My Secret Hipster Fantasy

Somehow I got it into my head that I need a beach cruiser and I need it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

How perfect would the summer be if I could just ride around town on a hipster-colored bike? I would ring that bell so hard the neighborhoods wouldn't know what to do with me. All those street youths, just staring me down. I'd eat it up. I would. And I could carry so.many.things. in that basket. So much room for activities!

Here's a list of things I could carry in a beach cruiser if I had one:

A week's supply of coconut juice.
All my art supplies for lessons.
A small monkey in a top hat.
Stacks on stacks of cash on cash.
A lap giraffe in a velour track suit.
Four watermelons.
An aquarium.
One thousand iTunes songs and the entire internet.
Two cats.
Seven seasons of Doctor Who.
A very small TARDIS.
One or nine of my nieces and nephews.
MY SOUL.

See? So practical. Where do I sign up?

My Love Affair With...

COCONUT JUICE.

How many times have I walked down the drink aisle without noticing that nectar of the gods on the top shelf? It's like I'm suddenly Belle and it's Beast and there's something there that wasn't there before. I'm in wuv!

Seriously, have you ever tried coconut juice? It's the most refreshing, exotic thing I can drink at 1pm on a weekday in my basement office. I drink it, and I'm suddenly on a tropical island slathered in tanning oil. In this fantasy I'm also fit and tan, but that's a different post.

Yes, Food, Inc. This juice is from Thailand or some other place I've never been to. Technically that's a lot of gas calories. But you know what? This Coke-loving lunatic finally switched to something healthier and natural, and that is something worth noting. Maybe one day I'll live on a commune and grow all my own food and stop wearing deodorant like the dreadlock-headed gentleman in line before me at Provo Art and Frame. But today is not that day. So I'm celebrating my minuscule health victory with what else but... a coconut juice.

Etsy Find: Too-True Dish Towels

How many times have you said this phrase in your lifetime?

I'd like to think that these dish towels would make me want to do the dishes more, but...

probably not. 

Oil Pulling

Remember when I had an inversion headache for like two weeks? And how desperate I was to get rid of it?

In the throes of my headache, I did some research on alternative remedies. The Cokes and pills were working, but not all the time, and not well enough. I was getting too reliant on Coke last year to keep me awake, so I weaned myself off of it. I'm not about to get addicted again! Plus it makes me feel jittery and sluggish after about an hour....not to mention all that sugar. Not good.

I found a remedy called oil pulling. Have you heard of it? You can find out what it is here. Basically, you swish  oil (I used coconut) around in your mouth for 20 minutes a day and it's supposed to detox your body. It can relieve headaches, whiten your teeth, help you lose weight, and give you more energy. I already had the coconut oil, so I decided to try it. Apparently it takes a few weeks of doing it daily to see some results. The people who love it say it can make you feel better in a lot of ways. There are still a lot of skeptics, but I figured it was worth a try.

Keep reading to see how it went:

Baby Leonardo DiCaprio

Remember when Leonardo DiCaprio was like...literally, the king of the world? I remember reading about him in my friend's teen bop magazine, watching him in Growing Pains, and secretly wishing I were Rose on the front of that boat. These pictures actually remind me of Justin Bieber. Is that bad? Don't hate me. It's true, and I speak truth. My favorite one is #6. Doesn't he look like Matt Damon in #2 and that burglar from Home Alone in #7?

PS, can't wait to see this.

Handwritten Poems by Nicole Lavelle

Handwriting blows my mind. Can you imagine how many kinds of "fonts" there are in the world? Think of all the people who have ever existed and what all their handwriting might look like. I would love to do an art project about that. I'm also a sucker for colloquial poetry. I like my poems quick and dirty. They need to feel effortless (even if they took seven straight days of toil) and sound like a glorified tweet. Does that make me shallow? I just can't handle poetry that seems too contrived. I guess maybe I should just say that I like good poetry. 

BFF lady friend Jeannette is a poet. I found out a year after graduation that she was a speaker in her college's graduation ceremony and performed a poem about life. She didn't even tell me. She took me to a poetry slam in Salt Lake once to hear her perform. Her poem was about trying to date a guy that everyone she knew approved of, but she personally didn't even really like. I ended up being a line in the poem. In that line she told me something I don't think she could have told me any other way. After that, I never pushed her to date this guy again. 

Want to hear something embarrassing? 

I went through a weird weird poetry phase in high school. I wrote poems about dumb teenage stuff that felt very real at the time. Example: boys. wanting freedom. feelings. more feelings. lots and lots of feelings. I was really bad at it. But I still love poems. 

Artist Nicole Lavelle writes poetry onto large sheets of colored paper in her one-of-a-kind handwriting. The best part is that you can commission her to handwrite basically anything for you. Example: your school's fight song, an old family saying, a really bad joke your grandpa used to tell, a list of every town you've lived in, and more.

PS: How often do I feel like this? : 

Things I Love: Daily Dishonesty

Have you ever met someone and bonded over something dumb with them so quickly, you feel like you were meant to be best friends after five minutes? That's basically what happened when I stumbled upon this graphic designer's site. Lauren Hom has a series called Daily Dishonesty, a daily observation of the little lies we like to tell ourselves. Don't tell me that at least three of these don't apply to you. 

Confession: I'm Scared of My Gym

Guys. Do you have a workout that makes you feel like a champion? I'm talking about the kind of workout that you've done so much you could probably host a perky YouTube video and get like....100 likes. 

Wanna know what mine is?

The elliptical.

I. have. that. shiz. down.

When I walk into the gym, I swagger up to that beast and stare it down like there's no tomorrow. I hop on, tune into some Kardashians if I'm lucky to find them, and rock it out like nobody's business. For like an hour. When I step off, I feel awesome. And then I walk on out of there and ignore the rest of the machines like I'm 13 and I have crushes on all of them.

When it comes to doing other stuff at the gym, I feel like that kid in kickball who always gets picked last. I'm always worried I'll look dumb using the other machines, so I don't even try.

I realize to get in shape you need to work your muscles on other things besides an elliptical. My brain gets it.

But it's not all my fault. The gym I frequent seems to be disproportionately populated by men whose spirit animals are 'roided out bulldogs, and orange women who strip to their neon skivvies during a 5-minute mile. They don't even stop their treadmills. They do that douchebag step-to-the-side move. and proceed to strip. 

Every ten minutes they all seem to meet at the water fountain and flirt.

This is what I'm dealing with here. It's too much pressure.

So in the spirit of "doing what you've never done to achieve what you've never achieved" (ie. an alright body), I've turned to internet workouts to get my body moving.

Workouts I can do in my living room while my husband watches a movie in our bedroom. Workouts that can let me feel like an idiot in the privacy of my own home. Workouts that will help me tone and stretch and huff and puff on my own time in weird weird clothing. 

The goal? To graduate from one-trick-pony elliptical status to champion I'm-not-embarrassed-to-work-out-at-my-own-gym status. 

I'm slowly finding new workouts that make me feel like an elephant doing ballet. But it's better than nothing.

We'll see what happens.

For tonight, voila.

2013 Bucket List

HAPPY 2013!!

I know that I just barely professed that I wasn't going to make any new New Year's Resolutions. Now you all know that I'm an extreme hypocrite. Let's be nice and just say that I'm like Alice... "I knew what I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." A woman reserves the right to change her mind, right? ... Especially when she's realized that not making goals gets you nowhere???

However, I hate the idea of making soft goals like "work out more" or "be nice to people" that never have any checkpoints. What I can do is write down the goals I have already been working towards! They're pretty concrete, but loose enough so I don't feel too much pressure to succeed, then end up quitting.

I get inspired by the bucket lists of others, so hopefully this can inspire you! These are things I've been wanting to do for a while. The catch now is that I have to report on these on this blog when I finish them. Hopefully that'll keep me honest.

I challenge you to do the same thing! Tell your readers about your select 2013 Bucket List items, then you'll have to complete them! I'll be keeping you updated every Tuesday until the goals are completed. Here they are:

Throw a Favorite Things party

My boss keeps talking about these awesome parties she goes to where everyone brings 5 favorite things under $5, then divvy them out so everyone goes home with 5 new favorite things. I was going to do a Christmas FT party, but things got too busy. Things are in the works for January. If you would like to attend and you live in Utah Valley, let me know!

Save enough money for a summer cruise

Matt has been wanting to go on a cruise for a while now. My family has been on a few, and we loved them. We have a teeny bit of debt to pay off, but once that is done, we are moving forward full-steam to save for this trip. We are putting 5-10% of each paycheck in a glass jar and aren't allowed to take that money out once it's in. Hopefully by April we will have enough to go to the Bahamas! I always say I want to do cool trips like this, but never make them happen. I always worry that we have more important things to pay for. But if we don't do things like this now, they will never happen, and then we'll wake up one day, 90 and too frail to do anything cool. I always thought that you do what you prioritize, so we're prioritizing a trip this year.

Read all the books I got for Christmas

My reading obsession ebbs and flows, and right before Christmas, it flowed! I asked for a bunch of books. Now the goal is to read them before I forget about them. I'll be posting reviews on the blog once I finish each book.

Try out monthly meal-planning

Cooking is hard. I love the result but never think to plan any meals. I have encountered a bunch of meal-planning pins on Pinterest, so I'm going to try them out and document the journey.


Once these goals are completed, I'll probably add a few more goals to the list. If you would like to join me in the 2013 Bucket List Challenge, please put a link of this post in your blog, then comment on this post so I know you're in! 

How I feel on a day off from work

Am I the only one who likes being home more than being outside? I work crazy hours sometimes, which means I get days off in the middle of the week. Normal people might use those days to run errands or go to the gym, or see people or even go outside, but not me! A day off for me means waking up when I'm ready to wake up, blogging, reading, catching up on TV shows and not putting a bra on.  

What can I say, I love being at home! I need that time to rejuvinate and prepare myself to be at work for the rest of the week.

I realize that days like this won't last forever. I feel like I've caught a magical unicorn. There is no homework to stress over, and no kids to take care of yet. I do my work at work, and the days off are  magical stress-free days that I know will go away soon. So I'm relishing them!

Worrying

I'm a natural worrier. I always have been! I have a hard time sleeping at night because I could stay up worrying for hours if I let my brain run wild. I worry about stuff that doesn't even make sense, like the car not starting in the morning. Or child actors and what their mothers were thinking. Or when to start a family. Or the zombie apocalypse. Whenever I start to worry too much, I think of a quote my dad always used to say: 

Worrying is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. 

Heath

Sometimes I'll be doing something completely normal in the middle of the day, when my brain stops and thinks, "I really miss Heath Ledger." 

Because we were best friends and everything...obviously.

I miss him little bit because he used to say stuff like this:

"I'm not good at future planning. I don't plan at all. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I don't have a day planner and I don't have a diary. I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future."

And that is how I feel right now. Except my blog is my diary, and I need to take this advice.

AND mostly I miss him because of this: 

The Monica Closet

Have you guys seen that episode of Friends where Chandler finds out that his OCD clean-freak wife has a closet that looks like a tornado hit it? It's where she keeps all her clutter! Everything else in her house is immaculate, except for this closet.

Chandler: He-he-he-he-he. You're messy.

Monica: No, you weren't supposed to see this!

Chandler: I married Fred Sanford!

I consider myself to be mostly a clean person. I feel less stressed out when my house is clean. I wash my clothes after one use. I don't let the dirty dishes pile up too high before cleaning them. There is definitely a threshold that my house has to cross before I will get the cleaning bug, but once it hits that threshold, I'm cleaning til my house feels good again, and NO ONE CAN STOP ME! 

Well, guess what? I have a Monica closet. 

Yeah, I said it. I have a Monica closet. That one closet in our apartment where everything useless goes to die. Board games. Winter coats. Leftover wedding invitations. Scrapbooking + artmaking materials. Matt's fishing gear. Dirty clothes. Clean clothes. Wedding presents. I hit the threshold, clean the whole house, get to that closet, and just slowly close the door. I can't seem to get it together long enough to organize that closet. 

If it weren't our bedroom closet, I'd probably lock it up and throw away the key like Monica did. 

Do you have a Monica closet? 

The Princess and the Pea

When I was little, my mom called me the princess and the pea because I was picky. What can I say, I liked things exactly how I liked them! I distinctly remember picking out three or four outfits every day after seeing the one she picked out for me, because I wouldn't know what I wanted until I saw it. I wouldn't wear wool or things with tags on them because they made me itchy. Etc, etc.

Fast forward 20 years, and my husband is probably starting to feel how my mom felt when I was growing up. Although I grew out of the 3-4 outfits routine, I have to have the bed sheets a certain way to be able to sleep. I'm a picky eater. I made him look at a few more apartments than he would have liked because I needed to feel that spark with an apartment before we could sign a lease. Etc, etc.

I don't know what made me this way, but I guess by now, it is what it is. 

On Being A Champion of Truth

I once had a friend tell me that I was her "truest friend". I had never had anyone describe me like that before, and it has stuck with me for almost a year now. I was pretty flattered. What does it mean to be a true friend? I think back to that relationship with said friend, and I think being a true friend to her meant sharing vulnerabilities, being there for each other through amazing and horrific times, having a massive falling out and reconciling, and being honest with her when it was more convenient to be fake.

I pride myself in being an honest person. Sometimes I'm so honest people can't handle it. I say what I think no matter what (most of the time). If I'm not telling you the absolute truth, that's a sure sign that I don't respect you enough to care about being honest with you. If you hear the truth from me, even when it's inconvenient, you know that I care enough about you to be real with you.

So I might tell you that you talk too much. Or that I would rather eat at a different restaurant than the one you picked. Or I might tell you that I love you even though you're a hipster, or that I can't hang out with you this weekend because I need to have Ms. Lippy time.

I'll go on a rant about one dumb thing or another way more often than I should, and you might have to sit through it. I might get angry at my husband for 5 seconds in front of you 24 hours after we met because he got pulled over again. 

I might often be annoying or too opinionated or pushy or picky.

But at least I'm being real.

I'd rather be real in good and bad times, than be fake...any day of the week.

BTW, There are some benefits to being friends with a Champion of Truth:

If you're awesome, I'll tell you.

If your baby is the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen, I'll tell you.

If your outfit is bad, and you haven't bought it yet, and we're in a store and you ask me, I'll tell you not to buy it. I'll save you SO much money. And when your outfit makes you look like Megan Fox, I'll tell you to buy that so hard and so quick.

If you want to chop of your hair in a moment of girl frustration, I will talk you down until you've gained your senses and realize that 92% of women look better with long hair. Unless you are a specific kind of sassy, in which case your personality can pull. that. look. off.

Confession #2

Guys...I have another confession to make.

Yesterday, Matt found out that he got into BYU. I was thrilled, because we have a life here in Provo, and it would be sad to leave it. Also, he didn't apply anywhere else. Basically, we are two lucky ducks!

As a Facebook friend said, "I love that he got into the only place he applied! It's like betting on yourself and winning!"

He asked me for advice on scheduling classes, and I got SO EXCITED....Like, beyond words excited. I was so visibly excited that he let me do it all by myself.

That's right. I'm the girl who loves planning school schedules more than most things.

In fact, I love basically everything about school. This might just be my post-grad adult self talking, because I'm pretty sure that when I was actually going through college, I kind of had a hard time. I also just think that's my personality, to see the grass on the other side as greener than my own. Since graduation, I have found myself missing school. That's right, I said it. I miss school. 

I'm like Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail. I love the excitement in the air throughout fall, the bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils.

I love shopping for school supplies and new clothes. I love organizing my schedule and writing in my planner. I love checking homework off of lists, reading and learning new things. I love not knowing what I'll be learning that semester, and the possibility of new ideas. I love bundling up to walk to school in crisp morning air. I love working with my mind. To me, fall time + a new school year always felt like a chance to start over again.

Mostly, I think I love school because I'm good at it. I'm not great at a lot of things, but I've got this school thing down. I'm pretty sure I was built for the structure and set expectations that school brings. I may not be able to hit a baseball farther than 3 feet, wrangle a crowd with my awesomeness, or care about politics, but dang, I have this school thing down.

So I miss it. Almost every day I think about going back. I'll just have to live vicariously through Matt. I guess, for now, that will be enough.

Confession #1: BF

Pardon my french, but there's going to be an overabundance of the word "b***h" in this post... But in my defense, this is the only way to describe what I'm about to say.

Guys, I have to talk to you about a serious problem.

I think I might have chronic B Face.

What is BF, you ask? Exhibit A.

Look, the Queen is really good at doing it. Basically it's the kind of face that can scare anyone into not talking to you, forever. 

I only realized I had this condition a few years ago. I started getting comments from friends that others thought I was unapproachable. An employee at a store tried to explain something to me once, stopped mid-sentence, and said, "You look like you've heard this before." Nope. I just have chronic BF. 

There are many types of BF. 

Quinn Fabray. That's a genuine BF right there. She's not messing around.

Cause of BF: Actually being a B. 

Look, the London Olympics! I have a hard time believing the girls on the American Gymnastics team are actually B's. They wear SCRUNCHIES in their hair and GLITTER on their faces, for crying out loud. They are, however, focusing on winning a gold medal at the Olympics. If I were trying to do that, my face would probably look like this: 

They're competing for medals. They can do whatever the heck they want.

Cause of BF: Concentration.

Oh, Xtina. You were just caught in a bad moment. 

You, too, Brad Pitt.

Cause of BF: Bad timing

I don't know who this girl is, but I think....I think she might be trying to look sexy. Dare I say that the BF is the new Duck Face? Either way, not attractive. You don't look sexy or approachable, you just look scary. I'm pretty sure this is the category I fall into 40% of the time.

Ah, young Hermione. The Original B. In her case, her BF is caused by actually being smarter than everyone else. Acceptable.

Cause of BF: Being a bad***. 

Kristen Stewart. The mother no emotion. Cause of BF: Trying to show emotion, but not knowing how faces work. I fall into this category 60% of the time. I feel the emotion inside, but have a hard time conveying it on the outside. I'm pretty sure I just compared myself to Kristen Stewart, which I'm not proud of. But it happened and there's no turning back now. 

What I'm trying to say is...if I look like Kristen Stewart, I'm probably just concentrating really hard, feeling awkward and trying not to show it, or actually just being a B. 

Now you know.

Two Epiphanies + a Personal Creed

For a long time I spent too much of my time comparing myself to other people. I would worry so much about what other people thought and did that it gave me anxiety. It's part of the reason I was shy. This got especially bad when I moved to Provo. I was constantly looking at girls in my dorm, at school or in church and think, Why am I not like them? Why can't I be bubbly and outgoing and the life of the party? Why can't I like country swing dancing, marathons, and the BYU Creamery?

And then I had an epiphany that I didn't have to do what everyone else was doing! It was ok that I didn't like running or watching football in the hot sun every Saturday or flirting shamelessly all over the place! I relished in the fact that I was being "different" than everyone else! I didn't dress like a punk, but I definitely had the punk attitude down. I started doing and saying things to see if I could shock people. Instead of trying to fit in, which obviously would fail anyway, I intentionally tried to be an outcast -- to be different because it's easier than trying to fit in and failing. Along with this punk attitude came a wave of bitterness that put everyone who was different than me (not quiet but selectively and overbearingly outspoken, perky, outwardly happy) into an Other category. Anything that an Other would do, I automatically hated because it was too mainstream.

Mind you, this was all in Provo. Everything I did was still mainstream.

BTW, I'm pretty sure putting people in an Other category, even perky BYU teenagers, is the first step to social destruction. I know. Keep reading.

And then I realized that being different just to be different is just as bad as fitting into your culture because you're trying to fit in! Either way, you're not being yourself! 

And now that I've had two epiphanies, I have so many questions!

Do I mock Twilight because my culture mocks it, or would I like it if I weren't told to hate it?

Would it have been so bad to ride that Hunger Games wave instead of waiting until AFTER its peak of popularity?

Would it be the end of the world if I went on a date to Fro Yo?

Can I have a blog and not talk about my husband all the time? (Probably not???)

Can I be a newlywed and not cave into the pressure of being the perfect homemaker + full-time employee + sexy beast + evil genius + seriously so blessed?!??!?!

Is it ok to like Justin Bieber?

Can I enjoy rap + hip hop + country + jazz + acoustic + pop + oldies without sparking another world war?

Can I finally, publicly admit to the state of Utah that I am NOT OUTDOORSY?

The answer, to most of those questions, is four. By the way, have you noticed that I'm an all or nothing kind of person?

Basically, what I'm saying is...

I'm going to try harder to filter things through the Kellie Filter.

I will like things if I like them, and not because someone is telling me to like them.

I will dislike things if I dislike them, and not because someone is telling me to dislike them.

I will keep an open mind.

I will weigh my options before making a snap decision.

I will try to not hate things because certain people love them.

I will try to not facetiously love something because it's taboo to be loved.

I will stop basing my opinions on the opinions of outside, unjust influences.

And that, my friends, is what happens when you google Justin Bieber.

What No One Tells You About Being Engaged

Here are a few things no one ever tells you about being engaged:

1. Being in love, and actually looking like you're in love while a stranger tells you to look like you're in love are not the same thing. Taking engagement pictures was one of the most awkward evenings of my adult life, besides a lot of the dates I went on while Matt was gone haha. I suggest meeting the photographer for lunch before you bare your photographic souls to her on camera. I did this with our wedding photographer, and it made all the difference on our wedding day. I also paid her then so I wouldn't have to remember to pay her at the reception. 

2. Married housing in Provo is a sham. Landlords know they can get a lot of money out of young students without keeping up the property, so it took a long time, and a move, to find a place we loved. Don't move into a basement unless you absolutely have to. Find a place with a landlord that knows what they're doing, not a 20-something couple who owns the house with their dad and takes $150 out every year to "clean the carpets." Honey, we know you're using that money to support your hipster lifestyle. Even if you live in a hobo's nest, living together is so much better than having to say goodbye every night. So I guess you can just do what you want! At the end of the day, it's just nice to come home to your husband. 

Matt eating brownies at the first house we looked at. 

We thought this was the one, but after looking around a lot we realized it wasn't. Don't sign at the first place you like. 

3. Don't break the bank. I splurged on a few things, but we kept our budget pretty low. I'm happy we didn't spend more than we did, because the most important thing is that you're married to the right man in the right place, and your family is there to see it. Everything else is extra. It's nice to have a pretty wedding, but it's also nice to pay rent haha. So buy that rockin wedding dress if you want to, but go cheap in other areas to make up for the splurge. 

Hint: If you try to make a 4-figure budget look like a 5-figure wedding, it'll end up looking tacky. We went rustic-elegant, and I loved the laid-back feel. 

The right place.

The right man :)

The family.

4. If you're having a wedding outside your home state like me (my family lives in California but we live in Utah), and you're worried no one is going to show up (my biggest wedding fear!), here's a tip...

Choose a small venue. If you use a large venue and only 40 people show up, it will feel like a ghost town. If your venue is small and 40 people show up, it's a party! 

Us watching our best man give his speech.

4. Planning a large, public, romantic event is stressful. But eventually, you will be married, and that's all that matters. Don't worry too much about what other people think and do what you want! It's the only time you'll be entirely justified in doing so...so live it up! Just don't be so picky your friends and family want you to go on the show Bridezilla. Do what you want, but find ways to let others be a part of your big day. If someone offers to help you, let them. Make sure everyone that wants to has something special to do. 

5. I don't know everything, so take what I say with a grain of salt.