Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Confession: I'm Scared of My Gym

Guys. Do you have a workout that makes you feel like a champion? I'm talking about the kind of workout that you've done so much you could probably host a perky YouTube video and get like....100 likes. 

Wanna know what mine is?

The elliptical.

I. have. that. shiz. down.

When I walk into the gym, I swagger up to that beast and stare it down like there's no tomorrow. I hop on, tune into some Kardashians if I'm lucky to find them, and rock it out like nobody's business. For like an hour. When I step off, I feel awesome. And then I walk on out of there and ignore the rest of the machines like I'm 13 and I have crushes on all of them.

When it comes to doing other stuff at the gym, I feel like that kid in kickball who always gets picked last. I'm always worried I'll look dumb using the other machines, so I don't even try.

I realize to get in shape you need to work your muscles on other things besides an elliptical. My brain gets it.

But it's not all my fault. The gym I frequent seems to be disproportionately populated by men whose spirit animals are 'roided out bulldogs, and orange women who strip to their neon skivvies during a 5-minute mile. They don't even stop their treadmills. They do that douchebag step-to-the-side move. and proceed to strip. 

Every ten minutes they all seem to meet at the water fountain and flirt.

This is what I'm dealing with here. It's too much pressure.

So in the spirit of "doing what you've never done to achieve what you've never achieved" (ie. an alright body), I've turned to internet workouts to get my body moving.

Workouts I can do in my living room while my husband watches a movie in our bedroom. Workouts that can let me feel like an idiot in the privacy of my own home. Workouts that will help me tone and stretch and huff and puff on my own time in weird weird clothing. 

The goal? To graduate from one-trick-pony elliptical status to champion I'm-not-embarrassed-to-work-out-at-my-own-gym status. 

I'm slowly finding new workouts that make me feel like an elephant doing ballet. But it's better than nothing.

We'll see what happens.

For tonight, voila.

Pin It!

1 comment:

Charity Z said...

Call up Ammon and have him go with you and show you the ropes at your gym. He had dreams of being a personal trainer at one time- I'm sure he would be happy to help you figure it out! That stuff is intimidating though- and forget using the free weights. There is so much testosterone in the air over there that you might grow a mustache if you walk too close.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...