Friday, October 12, 2012

Confession #1: BF

Pardon my french, but there's going to be an overabundance of the word "b***h" in this post... But in my defense, this is the only way to describe what I'm about to say.

Guys, I have to talk to you about a serious problem.

I think I might have chronic B Face.

What is BF, you ask? Exhibit A.

Look, the Queen is really good at doing it. Basically it's the kind of face that can scare anyone into not talking to you, forever. 

I only realized I had this condition a few years ago. I started getting comments from friends that others thought I was unapproachable. An employee at a store tried to explain something to me once, stopped mid-sentence, and said, "You look like you've heard this before." Nope. I just have chronic BF. 

There are many types of BF. 

Quinn Fabray. That's a genuine BF right there. She's not messing around.

Cause of BF: Actually being a B. 

Look, the London Olympics! I have a hard time believing the girls on the American Gymnastics team are actually B's. They wear SCRUNCHIES in their hair and GLITTER on their faces, for crying out loud. They are, however, focusing on winning a gold medal at the Olympics. If I were trying to do that, my face would probably look like this: 

They're competing for medals. They can do whatever the heck they want.

Cause of BF: Concentration.

Oh, Xtina. You were just caught in a bad moment. 

You, too, Brad Pitt.

Cause of BF: Bad timing

I don't know who this girl is, but I think....I think she might be trying to look sexy. Dare I say that the BF is the new Duck Face? Either way, not attractive. You don't look sexy or approachable, you just look scary. I'm pretty sure this is the category I fall into 40% of the time.

Ah, young Hermione. The Original B. In her case, her BF is caused by actually being smarter than everyone else. Acceptable.

Cause of BF: Being a bad***. 

Kristen Stewart. The mother no emotion. Cause of BF: Trying to show emotion, but not knowing how faces work. I fall into this category 60% of the time. I feel the emotion inside, but have a hard time conveying it on the outside. I'm pretty sure I just compared myself to Kristen Stewart, which I'm not proud of. But it happened and there's no turning back now. 

What I'm trying to say is...if I look like Kristen Stewart, I'm probably just concentrating really hard, feeling awkward and trying not to show it, or actually just being a B. 

Now you know.

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