Tuesday, October 9, 2012

This One Is For The LADIEEES!

I'm channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw for this post. I only wish I had her shoe collection.

I love the people I put in my life so much. So if you're in my life, you should be super happy, because not a lot of people get a pass in. It means you're awesome.

I also love good talks where we get down to the nitty gritty. I like listening to the people I love even more than the people I love! That means that I hear everything: the up, the downs, the triumphs and the heartaches. When I hear the heartaches, my brain automatically thinks, "I can fix this." And then I give some awesome advice. 

And then the next time I see my loved one, I hear the same problem. The advice has not been taken. But it's ok, because I don't know everything and people have a little something God likes to call agency. But people expect some sort of response after venting their problems, and I'm not so great at staring games, so I restate my original advice, but maybe in a more clear way.

Loved one comes back to me a third, fourth, fiftieth time because I'm a great listener (duh), and tells me the same story. It's usually about a boy. Usually it comes down to (whether they're dating, hanging out, or broken up and still hanging out): So and so doesn't appreciate me. I wish he would just love me the way I love him. I wish he would realize this amazing person that hangs around all the time and drops so many hints and is so available to him! It would be so easy for him to date me! Why doesn't he LOVE ME??? I wish he would love me!!! Why can't he love me?

By the way, by the 50th vent session without any action on your part, you are officially an askhole.

I have given this advice so much that a friend suggested I write a post about it. Because the ladies aren't getting it. No matter how many times or ways I say this, it never gets through:

Most likely, no matter how nice of a guy he is or how many "signs" you think there are, if he is not asking you out on legit dates or asking you to be his girlfriend, he is not interested in you. 

Hanging out with him more will not make him love you. He will not wake up one day and "realize what he's missing." You're too available. He gets to hang out with an awesome girl without having to do all the work of having a girlfriend, because you are making it too easy for him. 

If you walk away and he wants you, he will follow you. If you walk away, it will hurt for 0-6 months, especially if you have been enabling his bachelor ways for up to a year. But at least you will be freeing yourself up to find a guy who actually wants to date you! The hurt from walking away is better in the long run than waiting around for a douchebag (yes, even if he's a nice guy, but he's letting you make a fool of yourself, he's a douchebag) who will never fully appreciate you.

I say this out of love. It hurts my soul immensely to see how long these wonderful women are wasting their time with their non-husbands. It frustrates me to no end when I can see what they can't see. The main reason it's so hard to hear is because it happened to me. I was that girl for a long time. I wasted so much time reading "signs", walking on eggshells, crying out of frustration, and wondering about my worth. And I had people in my life who couldn't just tell me the truth: he doesn't care about you like that. No one told me to walk away. 

So I am being that person for you! 
WALK AWAY! Have the self respect to want more for your life than wishing over a boy who doesn't want you! Get busy doing things you love, and the right guy will find you when it's time. And when he finds you, you will wonder why you wasted so much time worrying that he would never come around. He will.

Friends, thank you for sharing your heartaches with me. I know it can be hard to give up on someone who seems to be so perfect. A woman's most innate desire is to love someone and have them love her back. I know I can be blunt. It's only because I am a champion of truth! It has been a great lesson for me that I can not fix everything in my loved ones' lives. I can only love you. This is how I show my love. 

So even though you may not have hope that your love life will turn around, I have hope for you. And I hope that is enough.

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Naazju said...

"You're too available. He gets to hang out with an awesome girl without having to do all the work of having a girlfriend, because you are making it too easy for him."

And that, ladies, is why Elder Oaks told us to "lock the pantry and bolt the front door."

Kellies said...

Oh yeah. I learned that lesson the hard way.

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