Monday, December 15, 2014

Week 12, Day 78 - Weakness

This weekend I was craving a burger, fries and a Coke soooooo bad. I usually don't drink Coke, but my work's challenge this week was to avoid soda. So naturally, that's all I wanted all week. My brain just wants what it can't have. So instead I just ate a ton of candy all week...haha oops.

I got the burger and it tasted so good but I felt sick after. I guess it's a good sign that my body feels crappy after eating that. Before it would just feel normal.

I've still been running like crazy. I'm officially down 10 lbs!

I've been in really high spirits since I started this weight loss journey, but on Saturday the hardness of it all just got to me. I had an hour or two where I just felt sorry for myself and asked, "Why me?" Although it felt good to let myself feel my emotions (big fan of that) I made myself cheer up really quick. It's easy for me to be really negative and stay there, but I am retraining my brain to think positively. I just use all of that frustration, pain, anger and sadness push me forward. It's like wood in a fire to fuel my journey. Feeling upset? I run harder. Thinking it's not fair? I count calories even more diligently (after I eat a Superpretzel to cheer me up...working on that).

I hope no one reading this blog thinks that I am doing this all perfectly. Sometimes I still just feel really crappy about the fact that I let myself get this big. I still feel super jealous of people who get pregnant after a month or two of trying. I still wonder why we have to wait so long to have a baby. The thing that keeps me positive is knowing that I have the power to reverse my PCOS by getting healthy. I don't have power of any of those other things...but I have power over that. So I'm going to rock it.
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