Lately I have had the opportunity to see a glimpse of maybe how God sees me. I think there are three ways to see a person:
1. How the world sees you
2. How you see yourself
3. How God sees you
I think the way God sees us is the most accurate. The other two seem to be more ambiguous depending on how emotionally stable I am haha. Sometimes I wonder if I see myself correctly. Confidants have been telling me that I am being extremely hard on myself lately, because all I see is flaws. Even during the times when I feel simply imperfect and unloveable, I see this image of myself as being irrational. Of course I'm flawed! I'm human! Humans are imperfect, but always deserve love. I have this out of body experience where I want to snap myself out of a pity party and move it along. At those times, I realize that my perception of myself is not accurate, and maybe the people around me (maybe who know me the most) see me more for who I really am. But sometimes it's the other way around, where you feel like no one realizes who you are, because they only see the first impression or base their image of you off of that one time you were running off of 5 hours of sleep and weren't having the greatest day. At that point, I hope that people who don't see me correctly have the patience to wait out the bad impression and the grace period to find out who I really am. The people who put the most effort into knowing me obviously like me enough to stick around (most of the time), so I guess their opinions are the only ones that truly matter.
And then there's God. I think God sees us without bodies, with perfect clarity and knowledge of who we started out as and how far we've come. God sees how much we try and fail and try again and loves us for who we can become. He sees the talents we don't see as well as the flaws we magnify. He knows our heartaches and sends us angels when we can't function, to strengthen us to be angels for someone else later on when they can't function, either. I think God is merciful and forgiving and wants us to love ourselves as much as we preach about loving our neighbor. He made us to thrive and find joy in sorrow and become like Him amidst heartache and happiness. When I try to see myself as He sees me, with an eternal perspective, I feel beautiful inside and out.
I realize that this blog does not have pictures, or cute anecdotes or even edited paragraphs. Writing my thoughts down stream-of-consciousness style helps me figure out my life and my brain and makes me remember things. If you want to see all those things I'm not, go find a married person's blog to follow! Love ya.