Wednesday, August 4, 2010

all baby no baby

I am amazed at how much I am letting one event in my life right now sink me so deep. Yesterday when I wrote that post I was happy despite my trials. Today everything is grey despite sunshine and I want to cry but can't. How can the difference of one day turn life upside down?

The hardest thing about Matt being gone is being thrown back into a single's lifestyle after two years of talking about marriage and being secure in a loving relationship. I am an absolute idiot at dating and now I have no idea how I even scored a boyfriend to begin with. I have been rejected a lot lately, been sloppy seconds, cast aside for a best friend, and pretty much everything else awful that comes with dating.

The worst part is that I am letting myself get distracted with and settle for boys I see no future with to soften the pain of being apart from the one person I know I will eventually end up with. So do I continue on frantically trying to find a short-term substitute or do I wait it out alone for another year and a half and save myself the heartache but also potentially awesome experiences?

I need to detox negativity, self-doubt, the heartache of rejection and the people in my life who make me feel like getting a date is the most important thing.

I am going to fix myself before I try to fix my relationship status.
No more boys, or girls who are obsessed with boys.
I am going on a self-imposed drama/dating/boy sabbatical.
I am rising above my heartache.
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3 comments:

Nic and Janey said...

ah..i remember having all these thoughts about if i should waste my time on dating cuz it helps but at the same time you feel bad cuz u only plan on being with your missionary. hang in there. I KNOW its hard. My roommates at the time can testify, i dont know how many times i cried myself to sleep.
do you have my number? i work during the day, but i can generally text at work if you need anything.

Paislea Elyse said...

I'm in a completely different situation, but i'm sure the hurt feels the same. I have been dating a boy for the past 16 months. Actually, today is our 16 month anniversary.

Recently we have been thinking about splitting up. He does not share the same values that I do and my family despises him. I have not seen my family in over a year.

I havea brother out on a mission in puerto rico and the other day, I got a letter from him. And he was talking about how this is not the life that I am going to be happy with.

And honestly. I believe him. So my boyfriend and I are parting ways. And it's been rough because we have lived together for 13 months. I ran away from my family for him. But i just don't feel that this is the best for me. And if i want my family, then i need to be proactive and get happy myself, partly by making them happy.

it's one of the hardest things i've ever done. and i don't know if it is the right thing to do, but it feels like in the end, there will be a smile. so i'm pushing through.

thanks for your story. and for letting me share mine.

allisterbee.blogspot.com

Jamie Jo said...

Don't know if you want any advice, but my brother went through this. He might have some kind words of encouragement. He is marrying his missionary in less than two weeks. ;) The year and a half wait wasn't too fun, but it had a happy ending. "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."

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