I am amazed at how much I am letting one event in my life right now sink me so deep. Yesterday when I wrote that post I was happy despite my trials. Today everything is grey despite sunshine and I want to cry but can't. How can the difference of one day turn life upside down?
The hardest thing about Matt being gone is being thrown back into a single's lifestyle after two years of talking about marriage and being secure in a loving relationship. I am an absolute idiot at dating and now I have no idea how I even scored a boyfriend to begin with. I have been rejected a lot lately, been sloppy seconds, cast aside for a best friend, and pretty much everything else awful that comes with dating.
The worst part is that I am letting myself get distracted with and settle for boys I see no future with to soften the pain of being apart from the one person I know I will eventually end up with. So do I continue on frantically trying to find a short-term substitute or do I wait it out alone for another year and a half and save myself the heartache but also potentially awesome experiences?
I need to detox negativity, self-doubt, the heartache of rejection and the people in my life who make me feel like getting a date is the most important thing.
I am going to fix myself before I try to fix my relationship status.
No more boys, or girls who are obsessed with boys.
I am going on a self-imposed drama/dating/boy sabbatical.
I am rising above my heartache.