Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Week 23, Day 163 - Is This Thing On?

I went on another sweet run yesterday. It was just beautiful. The sun was out and I found some new areas to run through.

For some reason, that joyous feeling did not cross over to today. I was fine until lunch, and then I had to deal with the dumb-dumbs at Walmart pharmacy. The last time I went there, the pharmacist thought I was pregnant. Cool. No lady, I'm here because I'm NOT pregnant. Just give me my damn medication. Why on earth would my doctor prescribe me fertility medication if I were pregnant?

So I was already agitated when I realized I forgot to switch my prescriptions back to beautiful, wonderful, amazing Walgreens and that I would have to brave Walmart pharmacy again. Long story short, I was already impatient and I made a regrettable mini-scene over their customer service. Not necessarily because I had a horrible experience today, but because of the pregnancy assumption + no sunshine today + grumpy + WHYDOIHAVETOTAKETHESEDAMNMEDICATIONS + Walgreens is better + I'm a jerk.

I guess it's just one of those days where I feel sorry for myself that I have to pay for stupid medications that never work. I've paid for these medications for a few months now, and for what? It's not working. I hate going to the pharmacy. I hate paying for $600 blood work. I hate getting two separate ultrasounds a month at inconvenient times because my doctor is always busy. I hate that I partially got myself into this mess because I couldn't control my eating or exercise, but I also hate that I'm blaming myself when really all of my problems stem from PCOS.

Tomorrow, or even in an hour, I will be happy again. But I'm going to have a little pity party over here and feel my feelings. If you've read this far, thanks for listening. I just had to get it out. I feel a little better already.

My feelings today just solidify my decision to put fertility treatments on hold while I'm gone this next year. I just feel like I'm trying to put a bandaid over a shark bite. I'm talking to an empty room. I don't think these medications and ultrasounds and whatnot will work until I'm at a healthy weight. It's starting to feel like a waste of time because I believe the weight thing so much.

I guess this next year I'm going to be my own doctor. Dr. Run. (Or something way cooler and a lot less lame ok fine I'll think of a better name later).
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5 comments:

Melissa Wright said...

Feel your feels girl! You've got to feel your feels.
And great decision to put fertility stuff on hold - at least the dr/medical side of stuff. This year is about health and dreams and living life a little more stress free. And you always hear stories of ppl who let the stress go and got pregnant, I'd love if that happened for you, but if not, at least you'll be healthy and rested and less stressed when you start the dr stuff up again.

K La said...

Good for you! You are the expert on yourself! Let me know if I can help.

Charity Z said...

I like Dr. Awesome. Cause you are :)

Kellie said...

Thanks for the comments, guys! I feel a lot better this week.

Rebecca and Cody said...

Pity away. Sometimes you just need that party to move on. :)

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