I went on another sweet run yesterday. It was just beautiful. The sun was out and I found some new areas to run through.
For some reason, that joyous feeling did not cross over to today. I was fine until lunch, and then I had to deal with the dumb-dumbs at Walmart pharmacy. The last time I went there, the pharmacist thought I was pregnant. Cool. No lady, I'm here because I'm NOT pregnant. Just give me my damn medication. Why on earth would my doctor prescribe me fertility medication if I were pregnant?
So I was already agitated when I realized I forgot to switch my prescriptions back to beautiful, wonderful, amazing Walgreens and that I would have to brave Walmart pharmacy again. Long story short, I was already impatient and I made a regrettable mini-scene over their customer service. Not necessarily because I had a horrible experience today, but because of the pregnancy assumption + no sunshine today + grumpy + WHYDOIHAVETOTAKETHESEDAMNMEDICATIONS + Walgreens is better + I'm a jerk.
I guess it's just one of those days where I feel sorry for myself that I have to pay for stupid medications that never work. I've paid for these medications for a few months now, and for what? It's not working. I hate going to the pharmacy. I hate paying for $600 blood work. I hate getting two separate ultrasounds a month at inconvenient times because my doctor is always busy. I hate that I partially got myself into this mess because I couldn't control my eating or exercise, but I also hate that I'm blaming myself when really all of my problems stem from PCOS.
Tomorrow, or even in an hour, I will be happy again. But I'm going to have a little pity party over here and feel my feelings. If you've read this far, thanks for listening. I just had to get it out. I feel a little better already.
My feelings today just solidify my decision to put fertility treatments on hold while I'm gone this next year. I just feel like I'm trying to put a bandaid over a shark bite. I'm talking to an empty room. I don't think these medications and ultrasounds and whatnot will work until I'm at a healthy weight. It's starting to feel like a waste of time because I believe the weight thing so much.
I guess this next year I'm going to be my own doctor. Dr. Run. (Or something way cooler and a lot less lame ok fine I'll think of a better name later).